“First, you yanked the bedspread and sheets off his bed. He was too confused to do anything. Then you took the top sheet and used it to tie his ankles and wrists to the posts of the bed. You took a random sock you must have seen lying on the ground and….” She held out her final syllable.

“And what?” I asked, not sure if I really wanted to know.

“And you covered his mouth with it, tying it behind his head. Then you nodded once, spun around on your left foot, and marched out of his room. I had to hide around the corner and stubbed my toe on one of your boots you left there. I heard you humming something, but I couldn’t make out the tune. You did mutter something about tweezers and your Uncle John, though.”

I still couldn’t believe it. My mom had always told me that my imagination would get the better of me, but I didn’t know it would happen in such a fulfilling manner! One breakfast without Tristan! There is a God out there!

“So, uh, why didn’t you guys let him go when you found out?” I asked, satisfied that I now knew I was not the only one who wanted Tristan confined behind closed doors. I looked expectantly from Melvin to Adrian to Carissa. Carissa decided to let the others have the dramatic stage.

Melvin cleared his throat a few times. He looked down at the name tag he had made for himself, complete with its meaning and derivations. Adrian still refused to meet my eyes. He reached for his pocket-sized notebook, instead.

“First of all, Haley, we have come to the conclusion that you have indeed gone too far. I am aware of your petition to keep Tristan locked in his room in the mornings and I, as a matter of fact, signed it and passed it around to other members of the house. We thought it would be a fun joke to play on him. He wanted early morning solitude, he’d get early morning solitude.” Melvin decided to answer me as the lawyer character of the most recent play he starred in. “But entering into a man’s bedroom, only to tie him up and leave him there – alone – that is truly despicable, not to mention deviant. While we’re gone this weekend, those remaining will think of a punishment worthy of your crime.”

“Secondly, that is a damn fine caricature you posted on his door and I want to congratulate you on such an artful rendition of him. I’d ask you to draw mine, but we’re going to be late for our flight. You are ready, right?”

“Of course I’m ready. Adrian, did you have something you wanted to say?” I still didn’t know why he wouldn’t look at me. “I didn’t sneak into your bedroom, too, did I?”

“No, actually, you didn’t. Here, I wrote down the name and phone number of my anger management support group. I thought you might find it useful, considering your, ah, night passed in mild violence.”

I spewed pink grapefruit across the table when I heard that.

“You? Needing anger management? Well, it must be an effective group, then. But I think I would probably be better off with a Sleep Walkers R Us group. I had no idea about you, though. But thanks anyway.” That was the second most surprising thing I heard that day.

Adrian shrugged, handed me the slip of paper, and told me quietly that if I didn’t hurry, it looked like Melvin would leave without me. I had just finished the remainder of my grapefruit and turned in time to see Melvin pick up his coronet and hold it to his lips. He pointed it toward my ear, but I dodged it and sprinted to my room, chucking the empty shell of my grapefruit in the garbage on the way. I envisioned myself dropping a banana peel behind me, conveniently in Melvin’s path. We raced up the stairs, his coronet faded when he went by Tristan’s room, and I heard Tristan yell out. Melvin must have let him go.

“Get that bitch!” were Tristan’s words, verbatim.

I was shocked. I thought he would have at least come up with a more creative term, maybe one directly from the nineteenth century like the majority of his words.

“You don’t mean that, Tristan.” I could barely hear Melvin’s voice trying to console the frazzled and angry Tristan Lincoln. “She was sleepwalking. Really. I must say, I am surprised at your uncouth tongue, though.”

“Sleepwalking my ass. She’s lucky she’s got a plane to catch.”

I stopped at the top of the stairs, eager to hear the rest of the conversation. I was curious as to what kinds of threats he could come up with, but Melvin succeeded in calming him, so I skipped the rest of the way to my room.