After Marie and I ate our Italian dinners at the restaurant voted the “Most Romantic” while Jeff ate our complimentary breadsticks and drank his Pepsi, we drove back to my apartment.  All of the movies had already begun because our dinner lasted until 9:45.  We were running out of options.  The possibility that loomed most ominously over my and Marie’s heads was that of going to Kevin’s house.  I didn’t want to go because I knew it would be the same old thing, the same games, the same undertones of conversation, the same watching Marie and Jeff flirt while occupying myself with anything else in sight.  Sarah and Mike were supposed to be there, too.  I would have to be even more cautious, then, at his house. 

After hearing that Sarah often shot me death glares, I was wary of being around her.  There’s just something about knowing you’re hated by someone that leads you to do anything else anywhere but  near that person.  I also knew that she would be watching any interaction he and I may have.  We were beginning to take shaky steps toward friendship.  Of course things probably weren’t helped too much by the fact that we didn’t call each other or make any efforts (outside of being with Jeff and Marie) to hang out together.

We came back to my apartment but as I knew full well, nothing of social entertainment value could be found there.  I somehow didn’t think they’d be content sitting in my living room reading or helping me rearrange my furniture.  Such are the ways one occupies oneself when one cannot use a T.V.

 Jeff and Marie continued their discussion of Jeff’s friend situation.  Basically, his friends won’t accept her into their “group” because she is new, which constantly forces him to choose between his friends and his girlfriend.  I think it’s rather childish of them all, Kevin especially; if I cared nothing for people, I’d tell Jeff to keep the girlfriend and ditch the suffocating best friend.

“My life is so segmented.  I hate that.” Jeff said before he asked if he could use my phone. 

“He’s calling Kevin?” I inquired of Marie.  She rolled her eyes ever so slightly.

“Yeah.  I guess there’s nothing else to do and they already think that we ditched them or something.”

This whole situation was so messed up.  I thought WE were the ones doing the inviting, making the plans, not Kevin making our plans for us through his pouting stages.

“Do you really want to go over there?”  I asked her, knowing full well she was only going because Jeff knew he needed to.

“Not really.  I mean, I really try to get along and stuff with those guys, for Jeff’s sake.  But…”

She cut herself off, leaning forward onto the arm of my couch.  I sat on the floor near the couch, my back leaning against the wall.

“What?”

“Well, I mean, I don’t really like Kevin.  I didn’t want to say anything when you guys were, um, well…”

“Oh, yeah, I know.  The truth is,” I looked back at her, trying not to let myself laugh, “I, uh, got annoyed with him then, too.  I couldn’t stand being around him for too long.  We had fun and stuff, but I couldn’t be with him for extended periods of time because things he said would just get on my nerves.”

She looked very relieved.   I’ve got to hand it to her, though, that was nice of her to refrain from saying how she really felt about him when she thought I liked him.

We laughed at our newly shared secret of sorts and then both suddenly turned our attention toward Jeff.  He had slammed the phone down and was sitting in my swivel chair, his head in his hands.

“What’s going on?  Are we going over there?”  Marie inquired.

“Did you just hang up on Kevin?”  I asked Jeff.

He sighed.  “Yeah.  Apparently Mark is over there.”  Pause.  “So’s Sarah.”

“Oh.  I see.”  I said.  “Would it make a difference if I didn’t come along?”

“No.  Here’s the deal.  Kevin says that if we came over, there’d be too many people.”

“Too many people?  What’s he on, crack?”

“Yes."

“Makes sense.”

“Anyway, that’s exactly what he said.  I said that you, Marie, and I wanted to come over and watch a movie or play games or something.  So he said, ‘That’s kinda a lot of people, there are already three of us here and Patrick is coming over in a little while, too.’”

“That’s ridiculous.”

Marie chimed in, echoing me.

“So we’re uninvited?”  I asked.

Jeff nods.

The phone rang.  We all looked at each other.  I reluctantly stood up and walked to my desk to answer the phone.

“Hello.”  I said, expressionless, as if I didn’t know who was on the other end.

“Hey.  What’s up?”  Kevin asked me, nonchalantly.

“Oh, not much.”  I answered.  “Just trying to figure out something to do tonight.”

“Oh.  Hey is Jeff there?  I need to talk to him.”

“Just a sec.” I told him.  I covered the mouthpiece and asked Jeff if he wanted to talk to him. 

“No.”

“Okay, so what should I say?  He knows you’re here.”

Marie piped in.  “Just find out if we’re still going over there.”

“Alright.”  I put the phone back to my mouth. “So, are we still invited to come over and hang out with you guys or not?”  Yeah, I know I was blunt, but I don’t have the patience to play along with his games.  If he thought I didn’t know what had just gone down between him and Jeff, he is slower than I thought.

He sighed, not happy in the least that I phrased the question that way.

“Let me just talk to Jeff.”

Marie laughed after I said what I did to Kevin, incredulous I was so forthright with him.   I rolled my eyes, put my thumb over the mouthpiece again and handed it to Jeff.  “He still wants to talk to you.”

“Fine.”  He took the phone.

Marie and I talked about other things, waiting for Jeff to finish soothing Kevin’s feelings.  Jeff hung up the phone, stood up, stretched.  Ran his hands down his face, pulling at the skin under his eyes.  He was frustrated.

“So what’s the deal?”  Marie asked him cautiously.

“Let’s go.  He’s expecting us in a little bit.”

“We’re going over there now?  So he reinvited us or something?”  I asked, somewhat disappointed.  I wanted an excuse to not go.

“Yeah.  We’re going over there.”

“So what changed his mind?”  I ask too many probing questions, sometimes, but I’ve learned not to assume I know the answers to other people’s behaviors, their reasonings.  

“Well, here’s the thing.  The real reason he didn’t want us to come over was because of Sarah.”

Marie began to say something, saw that Jeff was going to continue, and stopped.  She looked over at me though, sympathetically.  I offered again to stay home.

“No, it’s not you.  Sarah thinks we don’t like her, so she feels uncomfortable when we’re there and wants to leave.  Kevin doesn’t want her to feel that way; he doesn’t want her to leave.  He couldn’t say this before, so he just blew us off, saying there were too many people.”

“So now we have to go.”  Marie didn’t sound very enthusiastic, although she did try.

Jeff nodded.

“Did you still want to borrow some pants, then, Marie?  I’m not going over to his house dressed up so I’m going to change, too.”

“Yeah, that’d be great.”

Jeff stepped out of the room.

"My jeans should fit you just fine.  Do you want socks and shoes, too?”

“Yeah, that’d be great.  Thanks so much, Rachael.”

“Oh no problem.  I wouldn’t want to have to wear a skirt over there.”  I looked through my drawer for some more normal pants; I figured she wouldn’t want my extra wide leg pants or ripped jeans.  I tossed her some, grabbed a pair for myself, and we changed.

“I don’t even want to go over there now, after all this.”

“No doubt.  This is just crazy.”  She replied.

“Yeah.  But I guess now it’d be even worse if we didn’t go.”

“True.”

“Are you girls ready?”

“Yeah, come on in.”  I called back to Jeff while I sat on my couch, tying my shoelaces.  We gathered our things.  Marie put the rest of her dinner from the restaurant in my fridge.  Jeff held open the door and we walked down the stairs, out to the car.  They continued the conversation they began before picking me up for dinner.  I listened, interested to see how Jeff would juggle the additional flaming torches being thrown at his face.  I certainly wouldn’t want to be in his situation. 

I walked to my own car and they followed me in Marie’s, out of the parking lot, down the street.  I went through a yellow light, yet drove below the speed limit, hoping they would catch up.  There was no way I wanted to arrive at Kevin’s house on my own, knowing I wasn’t wanted, knowing that my mere presence would make someone uncomfortable. 

I still don’t understand why Sarah thinks I dislike her.  I don’t.  I think she’s immature about some things, but we used to have fun, back in January when she, Kevin, Jeff, Marie, Mark, and I would hang out at Kevin’s house.  If games we played required teams, Sarah and I would be on the same team; we would poke fun at Kevin nearly any chance we got.  I’d be able to silence his return comments while she only invited more.  Was that it?  Was it a jealousy of sorts that Kevin and I thought along the same wavelength and word games? That she didn’t share the jokes from high school?  I wish we could have talked about other things than high school when she was around, but now I realize that Kevin and I only had high school in common.  I wish I knew how I could have made her more comfortable.  Kevin told me once that Sarah liked me, just not when I was around him.

 Continually checking my rearview mirror for Marie’s car, I arrived at Kevin’s house.  I sat in the car for a couple of minutes, listening to a song I liked on the radio, making sure that my face would portray nothing of what I felt.  I wasn’t sure what I felt.  I hadn’t been to Kevin’s house since before that email I sent him.  I didn’t want to feel anything; I felt stupid for even feeling anything at all.  Finally, I opened my car door.  The car beeped at me as my elbow brushed the automatic locks.  I realized I hadn’t removed the keys from the ignition.  I was thankful I hadn’t stepped out of my car, yet.  What could be worse than spending more time than I needed at his house, to be in a position in which I might need his help?  I couldn’t think of anything.   

I slowly walked up the driveway, unsure of whether I should go to the front door or the door in the garage.  I remembered how he told me, “Just for future reference, if you get here after ten, don’t ring the doorbell.”  I knew he would be in the basement with everyone and wouldn’t hear me knock.  In the midst of my indecision, Marie’s car rolled through the stop sign and pulled up into the driveway.  We followed Jeff into the house, through the garage door.